Skeletons in my Closet

by Edward Hodge-Thomas

Hey, you wanna see something cool? Come here, I’ll show you:

Before I do, though, I gotta tell you this is a pretty big secret of mine. Promise you won’t tell anyone? Okay good! Now close your eyes for a second…

Ta-dah! That’s right, that IS a giant pile of human bones! Cool huh? I’m very proud of it.

Woah, hey, what’s with that reaction? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something. You feeling alright mate?

Hey, HEY! Why’d you just try and run away like that? I told you about running in the house didn’t I? It’s seriously bad luck! Are you sure you’re feeling alright?

Alright, alright, I’ll let go of your arm. God, what’s up with you all of a sudden?

What’s that? WHAT? No! Of course I didn’t kill these people, what do you take me for? I just… found these… lying around… Ok, I think I can see why you might be a little suspicious of me now. Still, I’m kinda hurt that after all these years of knowing each other you’d accuse me of being a murderer.

Hey, there’s nothing wrong with keeping these. If anything, I’m giving them a good home, AND I’m technically picking up litter too, so…

Bury them!? Hell no! I worked hard to collect all these, I’m not gonna give them up now! Plus, Where would I do it? It’s not like you can just dump these things anywhere, that’d just be disrespectful, not to mention probably illegal.

Oh, well excuse me for having a hobby! You know I thought you of all people would understand me, being my friend and all, but I guess my expectations were just too high! …

Yeah, you’re right, that was an overreaction… I’m sorry. It’s just, I’ve put so much time into this, and it’s something I’m actually pretty good at for once. Plus, it’s kind of educational; I’m learning more and more about the human body every day thanks to the Mound! Oh yeah, I call it the Mound by the way.

Thanks mate, thinking about it you’ve actually been pretty cool about all this. Although, your initial reaction was kinda… humerus! What, didn’t tickle your funny bone? That’s alright, I’m just happy we can finally see eye to eye. It’s a whole lot of weight off of my chest.

You wanna go back and play some more pool or something? Alright then, after you mate. … eye to eye…

Hey mate, while we’re here, do you know where I can buy a lot of jars? I’m asking for a friend…

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